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Dear Nel,

The first time I read your letter I was sitting behind the computer in London. By e-mail you suddenly entered my life, attached was a picture of you. In an A4 you told me about your life; how you haven’t changed, but how lung cancer is a very grave illness indeed. How others can find it difficult to deal with the fact you suffer from it. You tell me it’s developing, about your fears, about how sometimes you’re so angry. But, mostly from your letter resonates a life force, personal will power, hope…

I read the words of a strong, upfront sort of person. It’s touching how you speak about your family and friends, the special bond you have with your grand daughter. Then, suddenly at the bottom of the letter: ‘Nel de Korte, 50 years old. Died April 2008’. I’m so shocked. Just like the way you came into my life, suddenly, the same way you step out of it again. I find it difficult to believe that your voice it speaking to me from the dead.

I approached your family in the hope they would talk with me about you. Your husband, your daughters, granddaughters and friends were all very friendly. They spoke about how you lived your life and what had happened exactly in the run up to your passing away. Your granddaughter showed me little notes she’d written to you.

In your letter you write about how you used to go to Cuba. Your family was saying how you’d bought a wig for your last trip so you’d resemble your passport photograph. You didn’t have to use it eventually, you passed away before the trip. You did manage to visit Euro Disney last December, in your letter you write how you’re looking forward to this. Listening to the stories of your daughter you all had a wonderful time there. I saw pictures you took of your daughter and granddaughter. They made it possible to see the world through your eyes for a moment.

Soon your family will go to Cuba again. Toon won’t go this time. He finds it too difficult without you. He’s going to have a tattoo put on his chest, a photo of you. I would have liked to have shown it on a photograph for the show, but he has to wait until next year to have it done.

That you collaborated on this project is really special. I feel like I got to know you even though I never met you in the flesh. Your family really misses you. When we spoke about you we all wished you’d come back to life if only just for a moment. Through you I learnt a story about life, about memory and loss, and one about life force that stretches beyond death.

Marenka Gabeler, October 2008.

Special thanks to: Joyce, Kim en Rob de Korte, Naomi en Dalisyah Bozuwa, Toon en Let de Jong.